04 December 2007

Ta-dah!

I've now written everything that I plan to about this phase of my journey. A lot of it has been sorting out what happened as I became "Aisling D'Art" and--in the process--apparently forgot that I have a real voice.

It's taken me several years to get enough clutter--mental and physical--out of my life so that I could reach the point where I am now. I've described the process here and in my other online journals, starting back at GeoCities in the mid-1990s.
This is important: I've moved from an unhappy personal situation to one that's nearly perfect; from no boundaries to appropriate ones; and, from expressing myself in art forms where I don't necessarily shine, to resuming those in which I soar. I'm not sure that I'll ever "blend in" in the everyday world, but I'm not sure that I'd want to. I now feel confident that I'm at (or close to) a healthy daily life and routine for me.
It's sort of an application of the 80/20 rule: I've weeded out most of the 80% of stuff (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) that doesn't really serve me. The remaining 20% needs to be dusted off and polished, but it's the core of who I am and what makes my life--and my art--unique.

I've said a lot about my realizations, and this process, in recent posts here. When some entries have seemed repetitive, keep in mind:

1. Unless they're obviously announcements (usually sharing links), I've written my online journals for me, period. I've written them so that I can later re-read what I've said and evaluate the entry as if a stranger had written it. It's been my reality check, I suppose.

Sometimes, I need to rephrase things in successive entries to clarify my ideas. For me, tweaking the words can help me to understand the process better.

If anyone else reads this stuff and benefits from it, I'm delighted. But, that's not why I've written about my life.

2. My online journals have been one way that I remember my realizations. Since a car accident in 1987 left me with memory deficit, I forget things. (I've had the biggest challenge with words, which is why I use the noun "stuff" frequently; it's often a substitute for a word that I can't seem to find.)

There's no hierarchy to what I recall; I won't necessary remember an important point better than, oh, what I need to pick up at the grocery store later today. The big "ah-HA!" moment of Monday may be forgotten by Wednesday, and so I miss the necessary 21-or-so days to make whatever-it-is a habit. Trying to remember, I write it down... here, at LiveJournal, and in an offline journal. Sometimes that helps; sometimes it doesn't.

3. For the past year or more, my online journals have generally been about me as Aisling D'Art, and that's all. (Earlier posts were often about my life, in general.) Lately, I've been talking about things that relate to retiring that identity, so there's closure for those who've been following this story.

I've decided not to keep an online journal in my real name; it's a privacy/boundaries thing.

So, that's the backstory for over ten years of online journaling. My online, text narrative as Aisling D'Art concludes with this entry.

(I still keep one online journal--a private one--for when I need to talk to myself, online. But, I'm now at a point where I've shared as much as I need to, in text. )

Though I'm a published author, writing isn't where I find the highest quality of communication and expression. Visual arts are. I'm more clearly understood in my paintings and wall hangings. So, that's where I'll be expressing myself.

Thanks to everyone who's provided encouragement and support during this phase of my journey. Now, I'm getting back to painting and fabric art, and--in my spare time--reorganizing the information that's online under the Aisling D'Art name, so that people can find (and use) it more easily.

Future entries in this blog will be about what I've seen and read, online and off, that relate to creativity in general.

1 Comments:

Blogger Doris A said...

Aisling,

I am so glad that your journey has come to such a lovely place for you. It is good to know that you are at a point that you are more comfortable with your "real" name that with the name that has served you for years. Congratulations and blessings on the name retirement.
I remember with fondness our short bits of time at ArtFest and Celebrate Art. I am so pleased that your travels are much more joyous and peaceful.
All the best,
doris

3:52 AM  

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