Wed, 10 Sep 03

HT's books are packed into boxes, and mostly catalogued now. The futon bed is partly disassembled. Four of the old bookcases are in the dining room, waiting to be taken away by the former roommate. The floor is vacuumed. The room is beginning to feel like "mine" now.

I read a line in an old issue of Raw Vision magazine, an Outsider Art publication. In the review, it said, "...he seems spontaneously to have invented a whole visual world."

I read and re-read that. It clarified what I'm often trying to do with my art, but I couldn't quite define it. And, without a definition--a sense of direction, perhaps--I was slightly missing the mark.

My art is--and should be--about the "other worlds" that I envision in my fantasies and dreams: The Otherworld, which is somewhat represented in artistamps by my fictional country, Ballynafae, complete with faeries of all sizes. The "relicmaker" art that comes from an askew vision of Egypt in the 1920's, complete with faux artifacts from zany imaginary archaeological digs. The wild and colorful world of Santa Flamingo, our fictional country that mirrors New Orleans' French Quarter. (I say "our" world because HT thought up the name for it.)

And then there are my landscapes in oils, which are a slightly more vibrant view of the world that is around us right now.

As I continue to work on creating my studio/office so that I can resume my art and writing, I'm realizing how vital this break has been.

Oh, it's been frustrating in some ways, but in others, this hiatus from art has given me time to break old habits. As a third-generation artist, I can't remember a time when art wasn't my default mode, whether I was making it or not. But this is the first time that I consciously chose to take time off from my art. Break with the routines, and the forms of expression that have been on auto-pilot, sometimes deliberately.

For example, in 2002 I chose to cultivate the habit of daily collages, much as I used to write "morning pages," a la "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. (If you haven't gone through that book, step-by-step, I recommend it for every artist, and everyone who's wanted to be an artist.)

But even the collages went a bit flat and by-the-numbers after awhile. Part of that was because I was half-drugging myself with busyness, trying to get past that last year+ of a toxic marriage.

Now, a break has been important. Oh, it was necessary due to simple logistics. I didn't have a space where I could spread out my art supplies; they're mostly still in storage.

But as I'm setting up my studio/office, I'm seeing that the energy in a lot of my art--at least in the process--was stilted and usually rote. It's almost Outsider art in that sense: It was something that I did because I had to. It was something that helped me to keep my sanity.

It was not necessarily good art, nor was it always self-expressive.

Oh, most of it did say things about my life. The journals especially articulated that.

But... it's time for me to recover my authentic voice in art. Art that isn't choked or stifled. Art that may offend some. It may jar others. But to those who recognize the raw and real voice in art, the difference will be evident.

I just needed to get the idea of worlds, beyond individual art pieces.

I like this!

Wishing you rich and creative days filled with dazzling inspiration,

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